


Moosestuck: The Short Tale Of Two Very Canadian Hunters

by traceExcalibur



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Canadian AU, Moose AU, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-02
Updated: 2012-04-02
Packaged: 2017-11-02 23:11:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/374411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/traceExcalibur/pseuds/traceExcalibur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for a <a href="http://homesmut.livejournal.com/15949.html?thread=33886541#t33886541">prompt</a> on the kink meme.</p><blockquote> It is then that John notices the most majestic moose in the history of moose. The moose has scraggly grey hair, stubby antlers, and deep red eyes. It shuffles along, staring at plants as if to determine how tasty they are, unaware of the deadly hunter creeping up on it. </blockquote>
            </blockquote>





	Moosestuck: The Short Tale Of Two Very Canadian Hunters

“C’mon, eh? We just have to hop over the fence and we can go have a blast hunting!”

Jade Harley’s jade green Canadian eyes are alight with excitement. She has brought her brother John with her on a ~*~totally illegal!!~*~ hunting trip, to go kill moose in the unforgiving Canadian wilderness. All that  stands between them and their score is an almost embarrassingly short fence. Canadian nature preserves sure are poorly guarded!

John helps Jade over the fence and quickly joins her on the other side, and they begin tromping through the brush. It isn’t long before they encounter their first moose. It has brown, peanut-buttery hair, and an odd set of antlers.

“Uh, do moose usually have horns like a bull?” John asks.

“Hmm…nope, not usually. Which means this one is probably worth more!” Jade says, grinning, and with a pull of the trigger and a _BANG_ the moose falls to the ground dead. “Now help me haul this one out of here!”

After quite a lot of work, the two of them manage to hoist the moose over the fence and into Jade’s truck.

“Is this how we’re supposed to go about poaching moose? It seems kind of…inconvenient.” John says.

“I have no idea, eh?” is the reply. Go figure.

John and Jade make their way back over the fence and press deeper into the sanctuary, searching for more kills. They reach a pond, and Jade notices an odd moose – it has weird tufts of hair almost like gills, and it seems to be wearing goggles.

“Ooooh, this one is really pretty! Let’s kill it!”

Jade is just about to aim her rifle when an angry looking man with an eyepatch bursts through the brush nearby. A park ranger!

“An’ what the fuck d’you think you’re doin’ here?” he growls.

“Book it, John!” Jade yells, and she vanishes into the night. John runs in the other direction, stumbling over plants and tree stumps, crashing through the forest. Eventually the sound of nearby footfalls begins to ebb, and he takes a moment to relax.

It is then that he notices the most majestic moose in the history of moose. (And that is a long and storied history, believe you me!)

The moose has scraggly grey hair, stubby antlers, and deep red eyes. It shuffles along, staring at plants as if to determine how tasty they are, unaware of the deadly hunter creeping up on it. John gets into position and aims his rifle, preparing to fire it and kill the beast. He pulls the trigger, the moose makes a startled noise, and…

Oh, shit.

John hit a tree.

The bullet pierces the tree, and it must have already been weak from the weather because the entire length of the trunk cracks open on impact. The tree topples to the ground, bringing the poor moose with it. The moose brays loudly and struggles to stand up, but the tree has it pinned to the ground.

John walks over to the moose and aims his gun at its imprisoned head, but then he looks deep into its firey red eyes…

“Oh, jeez…” John mutters. He doesn’t think he can do this anymore. Not to a poor, innocent, majestic creature such as this moose. “I’m gonna get you out of here, ok?”

The moose tries to shuffle free of the tree holding it down on its flank, but still it cannot move. John immediately sets to work on the hard, wooden shaft. He runs his hands all up and down it, and finally he finds enough leverage to shove it aside. It crashes to the ground with a loud creak.

“Th’ fuck was that?” comes the voice of the park ranger somewhere nearby. John panics and turns to run, but before he does, he takes one last look at the moose.

“Moose, I gotta go, I’m really sorry about hurting you!”

The moose looks up at John, and only hatred burns in its eyes. When it grunts, it sounds oddly like “FUCKASS”.


End file.
